tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61628041119991355882024-02-19T21:03:56.555-05:00Turning PointsMy life... one intersection at a timeSarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.comBlogger166125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-25801708874504194532019-02-22T16:25:00.002-05:002019-02-22T16:29:49.066-05:00PonderingTwo years ago today, I wrote a blogpost about my daddy and his watch. It is one of my favorite posts, because it felt healing. It still does. Sunday is the second anniversary of his entry into Heaven. I was blessed to be there when it happened.<br />
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I've been thinking about that year and how hard it was. The last almost five years actually. Somethings have been amazing! Going to Europe three times.<br />
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Starting the Devotional facebook group has truly been a blessing, and we're about start a study for Lent. I'm excited about this and what God is doing in our church. People are enthusiastic! I pray for the Holy Spirit to flow through me!<br />
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Despite all the positives recently, I've been thinking of my parents and sister a lot. Sometimes those things are positive, sometimes they just hurt. Sometimes when I look at pictures of Natalie, I almost can't breathe. But I look at them because I don't want to forget. Forget what? I'm not sure. I'd like to only remember the joyful times, like our annual Christmas Uno game. But there is bitter mixed with the sweet. These things make it hard to sleep at night... and that makes the days hard also.<br />
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I try to wrap these posts up nicely and come to a conclusion, but today I'm drawing a blank. So I'll end by asking the Lord to bless you all and for Him to make His presence feel tangible to you today.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-46310939047250425632018-12-01T12:28:00.000-05:002018-12-01T12:28:06.059-05:00Being SpontaneousIf you know me, you know I am not a spontaneous person.<br />
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I do not enjoy travelling somewhere without a reservation. I like knowing where my head will rest at night. So backpacking through Europe and looking for a hostel to sleep in would have been a big NO in my youth and a definite NO now. But if you'd like to go to Europe and need a companion to travel with, hit me up. I love Europe - in a hotel with a breakfast bar and an espresso machine.<br />
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Instead, maybe I should call this post "following the prompting of the Holy Spirit."<br />
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A week or so ago (honestly, I don't remember), I was looking for some devotional material for Advent (it starts tomorrow - YAY!). Now, I do this frequently - start something great, procrastinate, quit. Sound familiar? Did I make you uncomfortable? Yes? Good. I'm a teacher - it's my job to make you squirm. HAHA.<br />
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Except I'm pointing the finger at me.<br />
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So I thought - I need a group to hold me accountable. So I did a little poll of my church friends on facebook and got enough of a response to start a private facebook group so we could do a devotional study together with me as facilitator. Then people started inviting other people. People I don't know... and lot of them. I cringed a little inside. What had I done? What had I gotten myself into? <br />
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Then God spoke to my heart. "You are doing exactly what you and these people need." Big, deep breath. I have been working as Discipleship chair at my church, trying to get people to come together to study, pray and commune together. So, why was this different? It's not. Except it's me, and as a leader, I am not only accountable to myself, I am accountable to everyone in this group.<br />
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My son and I are wired a lot the same in this respect. The sentence, "So, I just did a thing" means "I did something spontaneous and I'm uncomfortable about it, but proud." So... I just did a thing. No - that's not right. God just did a thing in me, and I didn't procrastinate or try to delegate it to someone else, and I hope I make Him proud.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-60081701122807290232018-02-03T09:01:00.000-05:002018-02-03T09:01:32.343-05:00A 26 day reflectionThis is a reflection of the last 26 days in my eating.<br />
No - this isn't a food blog, but it may turn into one. Another turning point in my life.<br />
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Some history for you:<br />
I am genetically pre-disposed to type 2 diabetes. My mother was diabetic, my grandmother was diabetic, many of my mother's cousins are diabetic and it is highly likely my sister was diabetic at the time of her death. Becoming diabetic has always been a fear of mine, so I have yo-yo dieted and tried thing after thing after thing to only gain back the weight. <br />
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My most successful time was in 2008-9 when I lost 50 pounds on Weight Watchers. Learning portion control was my biggest gift from that time, but I quit it because I was always hungry and never satisfied. Food was running my life. 40 of those pounds came back on.<br />
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In 2016, I decided to give up gluten to support my daughter who had made the same decision. I can't describe how I felt with that change. Wow. It confirmed a gluten sensitivity and I will never go back. I lost 30 pounds. That was just a side benefit of my improved health. But I started substituting non-gluten items - baked things, full of sugar. And I started gaining and noticed changes that were frightening.<br />
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I researched a good part of the month of December and on January 8th, I gave up sugar and simple carbohydrates. I guess you could call it a whole foods diet with added fat, but I call it how I want to eat forever. So what happened? I no longer crave sugar or potatoes or fritos or chocolate. Look at that last one. I do not crave chocolate. Now - it is still my favorite thing to eat - but I don't need it.<br />
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Why - at the age of 50 is this so important? The change in eating habits is what's important. The mental clarity and the drastic and obvious changes in my health condition. I feel better than I have in years. I cook more. I'm cooking vegetables that I have never cooked before. Ya'll... brussel sprouts... goodness. They are amazing. The body-wide inflammation that I deal with started to rapidly go away before my eyes. No more edema in my legs. I mean none. Except for a knee injury a couple of weeks ago, nothing hurts. Nothing. I'm not tired in the afternoons and do not need a nap. I sleep GREAT at night.<br />
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The statement that those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it applies in our families. I loved my family, but they were food addicts, driven by their cravings. Cleaning out the house after my sister's death - I won't go into details - but her addiction literally bowled me over and broke my heart. I had no idea it was that bad. <br />
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My mother was diagnosed diabetic early in her 40's. By the time she was 45, she was insulin dependent - a month before my wedding. I remember taking her to the doctor and then to the hospital. She did a very poor job of managing her condition. I am determined to change that history for my family. I want to be a healthy grandmother someday - able to play with my grandchildren and build happy memories with them.<br />
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This has also been a spiritual experience. It's like God telling me: LOOK at all the things I gave you to eat. Eat those things. Yes potatoes and other things are God-created but they hang around me a little too much if you know what I mean. After 30 days I may add some of those things in to see how I respond but I really have no interest in them at the moment. I am a work in progress and the Lord is working on my physical being. As the image-bearer of God (remember we are made in His image), it is my obligation to take care of the physical surroundings of that image.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-9709998786841322352017-11-16T17:29:00.001-05:002017-11-16T17:29:15.041-05:00A memorable birthdayIn case you missed it, today's my birthday. The big 5 - 0. For some reason, this feels weirder than 40. It is also the end of a phase of my life.<br />
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Thirteen years ago we bought a house in Augusta for my parents to live in. My sister also wanted to live there so she helped by paying a small amount of rent every month. They were weeks ago from having nowhere to go, so we stepped in. At the exact right time, a handicapped accessible house was available - perfect for my wheelchair bound mother. She loved the house but only lived there about six weeks before her death.<br />
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So it became home for my dad and sister. They enjoyed it there and when my dad started dealing with aging issues, the handicap accessibility was nice to have.<br />
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Today we sold that house. It needs a lot of TLC and the new owner is going to renovate it for someone else to love someday. It wasn't very well cared for in those years but it did it's job anyway - keeping my dad safe and warm and comfortable.<br />
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If a house cared about feelings I would tell it thank you. But mainly I'll thank God for providing the house when we most needed it and for finding a buyer for it when we thought it would drive us crazy. And as God's timing would have it, we closed on the house today, my birthday, and turned over the keys to the new owner.<br />
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What a gift.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-81392588729446981452017-09-03T15:23:00.002-04:002017-09-03T15:25:25.060-04:00The things I treasureYesterday I spent the day helping as a crew emptied a house of its contents. It is now empty.<br />
The house isn't the one I was raised in - or even special memories. The memories from that house are pretty rough and ones, although I'd like to forget, that will linger for a lifetime I suppose.<br />
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The house has a story, and I'll share it sometime, but the sorting, throwing away, donating process made me really consider what I treasured. When it's my children's turn to sort through my possessions, what would they find?<br />
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They would find my grandfather Lonnie's pocket watch. It still works 52 after his death. I didn't know him, but I have a piece of him.<br />
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They would find my Big Daddy's book of lessons. Also 52 years after his death, he is still teaching.<br />
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They would find my Big Mama's dishes and punch bowl. I might sell the punch bowl but it is really pretty... but those dishes... I ate a lot of meals on those dishes.<br />
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They would find my other grandmother's (Ma Butch's) monogrammed playing cards and fur stole and some pearls and her recipe for cornbread dressing which I'm going to try to make gluten free.<br />
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They would find my Fisher Price doll house (with the wooden people!) and two rocking chairs from my childhood. I was walking into my house with those yesterday and my husband commented about what I was carrying. "I am carrying my childhood."<br />
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They would find lots of Bibles from my parents, grandparents, and one from a great-grandfather. These are probably the greatest treasure: a legacy of faith in Jesus Christ.<br />
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It's really not about the things. It's about what is significant about the things. They are part of my history - the fabric of who I am. They are a story of struggle and survival and faith.<br />
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There are many many things that I just grabbed and boxed and will sort as I have time, and as I am in the mood. I have lots of musical things. My mother's piano music, her piano (which is designated for my son), my dad's trumpet - (which is what I played), the remains of my parents wedding china. <br />
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The process of sorting trash and treasure is rough. As my husband told the crew yesterday, "This all belongs to my wife. She makes the final call." I liked the control but the responsibility was large and choosing to be a part of it, with trash bag in hand, was healing. <br />
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At some point, I'll go sort again, but for now I'm giving my feelings a rest.<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-21986389063804553062017-08-12T16:58:00.004-04:002017-08-12T17:02:51.933-04:00Learning from my grandfatherToday I was reading the Sunday School lesson for tomorrow. Helpful, since I'm the teacher...<br />
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The content is deep and I needed some help from a Greek scholar, so I called my daughter, who just finished five semesters of Biblical Greek. She qualifies.<br />
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The content was also somewhat academic, and potentially dry, and given that it is from the book of Romans, it begged for some feeling. So I sought the help of another family member - my grandfather, Roy Sims.<br />
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Big Daddy died in 1965, at the age of 53, two years before I was born. So how did he help me? Well, Big Daddy was one of the Sunday School teachers of the Men's Bible Class at Vidalia Baptist Church. He wasn't an educated man by his own admission, but he was blessed with wisdom. He would hand write his lesson based on the curriculum while on the road as a salesman and then my mother would type it for him when he was home. While I was cleaning out my dad's house a few weeks ago, I found the notebook full of his lessons. There were handwritten notes, a father's day card from my aunt and her family, and newspaper clippings. I got to see his handwriting, not much different from my own, and read his own words. This man, who I resemble, since I inherited his ears and his green eyes, I had never known. But, somehow, I have always known him.<br />
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I remember, as a child, standing in my grandmother's living room, staring at his portrait. He seemed so old to me then. I wondered what it would have been like to know him, to have a grandfather, to hear his stories, to feel his touch. I'm a little bit of a day dreamer...<br />
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Today, I decided to pick up that book to see if he had any wisdom to share. I almost read every word. There were stories of his faith. Stories about the faith of my great-grandmother and her love for Christ. Stories of people he loved. His thoughts about the civil rights movement - ya'll - he LOVED EVERYONE and hated violence. He was a peacemaker.<br />
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He was so passionate about Jesus Christ. Tell everyone - tell everyone before it's too late for them. Jesus loves everyone. I read his words with tear-filled eyes, getting to know Big Daddy. If he had been an educated man, I know he would have been a preacher. What a heritage he gave to us.<br />
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I also learned that the radio station in Vidalia used to broadcast the lessons from the class (not just his) so the people at the nursing home could have a Bible lesson.<br />
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I would like to close with Big Daddy's own words, written in 1965:<br />
"I am not an educated man, but I love my Lord, who saved my soul. I thank Him that I have been spared (he had previously had a heart attack) to testify for Him. I have been on the road over 20 years. I have many friends who are Jewish, Japanese, Chinese, and Negro. And if I am to be the Christian He would have me be, I will be understanding. I will love them. Everyone of every race are children of God."<br />
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I am proud to be the granddaughter of Roy Manry Sims and to be able to learn from him fifty-two years after his death. I am a teacher and I teach students from many nations (even at a small Christian school) and I will love them. Everyone of every race. My grandfather set an example that I am going to follow.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-36049867662808825362017-04-01T23:07:00.001-04:002017-04-01T23:07:28.632-04:00Last WordsI love Lent. I'm serious. What a great season to really touch on what is important. I love the music. I love the message. I love remembering. I love the tears turned into joy. I love the whole thing.<br />
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My pastor has been preaching a series on the Seven Last Words of Christ and they have been just for me. Not really, but it has FELT like it. Forgiveness and Relationships and Family and Abandonment. It has been perfect and difficult for the season of life that I am in. It has made me think and pray a lot.<br />
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I know I am not alone but when I look at the piles of photographs my husband brought back from my dad's house, I am the only one left on this earth from those photos. But the photos around my house, we are all still present on this earth.<br />
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I still have a lot of things to deal with. Creditors to write and inform there is no money to pay bills - so sorry, but that's the way it is. We have a house to clean out and sell. I've got piles of memories to sort through as we go through the house. I have no problem discarding things. It actually feels good to me... actually great. But memories can't be discarded. Like things, some will fade. Some are gone, but I know going through the stuff will renew some of those memories. I'm trying to brace myself for the feelings. Feelings are... well... not my favorite thing.<br />
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I don't really have any "last words" or a way to end this gracefully, except to say good night. Or maybe like Scarlett, "I'll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day."Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-17710718847088951382017-02-22T20:23:00.003-05:002017-02-22T20:23:53.629-05:00What time is it?For as long as I can remember my dad has worn a watch - Timex, analog, with date and an expansion band. Over the years they have looked different but always had that same profile.<br />
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As long as he was allowed his watch, he wore it on his left arm. He has always been time conscious - almost obsessively. If someone said they would be there at 11:00, he would check his watch or whatever clock he could see and monitor the time at least 15 minutes ahead of time. This became more pronounced when he was in the hospital. "They said lunch is at 12:15. Lunch isn't here. Call the nurse."<br />
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Even after his stroke, when the neurologist asked him what time it was, he answered it old-school. Looked at his watch and said "23 minutes before 11." The neurologist and her two students had to look at their watches and confirm that he was indeed correct. I laughed at them. Out loud. The looks on their faces was THAT funny.<br />
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He always wore his watch - until today.<br />
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As I sat next to him this afternoon, he had gotten fidgety and keep fooling with his bedspread, his shirt buttons, and his watch. He was trying to get the watch off and pinched his skin. "Ouch." He rubbed the pinched skin and I asked if he wanted me to hold his watch. He nodded and kept rubbing the skin. When I asked if he wanted me to help put it back on, he said, "No. Keep it."<br />
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He had been compulsively looking at his watch the last several week. I would ask him what time it was and he would drop his arm and not answer. I knew he had lost the ability to tell time.<br />
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He has been singing and talking and talking to people I can't see. I heard him say tonight, "But I don't want to wait." A few minutes later I had his watch on my arm. I talked with him about singing and being in choir and asked if he wanted to go to choir. He brightened up. "I like to sing." He joined my mother's choir many years ago to get her to agree to date him. I suggested to him that maybe Mama has a choir in Heaven he could join. "I like to sing," he said again.<br />
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I thought maybe this watch was a sign that it's time. Time for him to sing again. Time for him to meet Jesus face face. So tonight, before I left his side, instead of telling him I'd see him tomorrow, I told him goodbye. I don't know he if knew the difference, but I do know he's ready to say hello to his forever.<br />
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Soon, Daddy. It will be time soon.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-29452721401771894982017-02-11T17:14:00.000-05:002017-02-11T17:14:18.319-05:00Waiting on GodToday while visiting with Daddy at the nursing home, he told us he was ready to die. "Why won't these people let me die? Why can't I see a doctor? I'm ready to go."<br />
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He has seen a doctor - I've talked with him. We are adjusting medications and helping him be comfortable.<br />
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We talked about a lot of life is waiting on God and we just can't push that. He's ready to see Jesus, my grandparents, my aunt and my mother. He's not really sure when he is smiling or not, so if he catches us smiling at him, he will smile big and sometimes asks, "is my smile okay?"<br />
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He is done with this life on earth and he's tired. "But my heart just won't stop." Greg and I observed some changes today that confirmed that it won't be too much longer but you can't put a timeline on living or death. That's between Daddy and God. I'm confident in the next few days or weeks they'll figure it out. <br />
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He is actually pretty peaceful but was annoyed they were crushing his medicine and putting it in applesauce. On hospice, if you don't want to eat, you shouldn't have to eat - even for medicine. So I texted my contacts and they are going to begin looking at alternative methods for keeping him comfortable - without needles. We talked to the nurse about food - we know they have to offer it, but he doesn't have to eat it and we asked them to quit pushing it. "But even on hospice they need to eat." Actually - no, they don't, not if they don't want it. It is making him sick and he told me today he is having trouble swallowing it.<br />
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The care he is getting is pretty good - he says they are good people and take good care of him. I think his nurse just doesn't understand the hospice process so we will have a care meeting soon and make sure we all understand the goal here is comfort.<br />
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So - we wait on God and Daddy's body to be in agreement. We are all ready for him to be whole again.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-62097711042227545292017-02-06T21:44:00.000-05:002017-02-06T21:44:48.763-05:00My life is...... over. That's what my father said trying to communicate with a relative that he is done trying to be alive. Really what he is trying to say is he is too tired and his body is too worn out to continue living as he has been. He is ready for everlasting life. As jolting as those were to my heart, I know it is true. He has told me, "I like this current arrangement," meaning he likes just sleeping when he wants to and no one bothering with him to do therapy or make him eat. The people at the nursing home thinks he should eat - he just doesn't want it.<br />
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So - in comes hospice who says he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to - and that has been a relief. Medication has been drastically reduced. He drinks Coke if he wants it or nothing at all.<br />
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Since he moved he has been noticeably more relaxed and more comfortable talking about memories and what comes next - Heaven. We haven't directly addressed Heaven yet, but I know it is coming, and he is ready to go. There was a significant decline between Saturday and Sunday.<br />
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It has made me think about what my life is right now.<br />
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.... busy. I've been doing a job and a half and trying to manage my dad's care. The half job at school is blessedly finished (although it was great fun) and I no longer have to manage his care. I am trying to get all the business stuff handled so we don't have to do it later.<br />
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.... peaceful. Since we made the hospice decision, I no longer feel I must push him to try to be better and he is no longer fighting me or trying to make me happy.<br />
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.... melancholy. I am naturally a ponderer and tend towards the melancholy - liking rainy days and all. But I realize at almost 50 years old, I no longer have a sibling and will soon be without both my parents. We were never really close but it sounds like a lonely place to be. I'm okay with being alone - lonely is something entirely different.<br />
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.... grateful. I have a wonderful husband who is helping me in all sorts of quiet and loving ways and makes sure I eat before I get "hangry." I have friends who check in with me regularly. I have the hope of salvation and eternity with Jesus Christ.<br />
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.... exhausted. See the busy statement. Plus I'm not sleeping very well these days, and when I do sleep, I do not feel rested. I dream about my phone ringing a lot - very irritating.<br />
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So that's the state of things - in a nutshell.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-40419956870797417552016-10-22T21:30:00.003-04:002016-10-22T21:30:43.345-04:00The way my mind works...... is no surprise to my family.<br />
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I'm a problem solver. Let's look at the big picture, eliminate what doesn't matter and start narrowing down your options. Very algebraic, very mathematical - but when it isn't a problem involving something quantitative, I can't use my tried and true methods of problem solving.<br />
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Problems with people have too many variables. They are too unpredictable and full of surprises. You can try to anticipate and plan, but realize your expectations may not be met, and some new variable (change) can be thrown into the mix. The strategy takes a turn with a possible new problem to address.<br />
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As you can tell, I'm dealing with a problem right now of how best to care for my dad. We are in our second stint in rehabilitation following his August 22nd stroke, this time with an infection. He is weak and frustrated (and frustrating). There are many options at the moment and it is my job, and my job alone, to make some potentially tough decisions. My husband is definitely there to support me, give me advice, and ask some questions of things I may not have thought of. So while I am not literally alone, I am alone.<br />
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One thing is constant however: God is Creator of the universe and loves all of us. Jesus is the Way, THE Truth, and the Life. I feel His presence every step of the way, especially when there are no words to my prayers. His presence under-girds me when I am especially exhausted and provides clarity when I am confused.<br />
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I am grateful my mind works the way it does. It helps me to detach sometimes from the emotional side of things and works on those things I can actually accomplish - checking things off the exceptionally long to-do list. And then the Lord says, "Look how I made you. It's all okay. Get some rest. I've got you."Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-88871261388481996832016-09-18T15:36:00.001-04:002016-09-18T15:36:05.665-04:00AssumeAssumptions can be a dangerous thing.<br />
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If you assume someone is acting a certain way without knowing context, you could lose a potential friend or alienate them.<br />
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If you assume something is gluten free when it isn't, you will end up feeling sick, if you are gluten intolerant. This happened to me last week and it was totally my fault. I ate tortilla chips without confirming they were 100% corn chips. My bad. Still working on the side effects but at least feeling better.<br />
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If you assume someone is a Christian, you may never talk about faith with them. <br />
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If you assume a "fact" is indeed true without verifying it, you could reach a false conclusion.<br />
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Many times we just don't know. But we owe it to ourselves and to others to find out about what is unknown. It could make a difference in someone's life. It could make a difference in your life.<br />
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Ask questions. Be curious (but not nosy). Care enough to be involved.<br />
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That's all. I'm glad we had this talk.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-51156134465966342242016-09-03T11:41:00.002-04:002016-09-03T11:41:26.978-04:00Recommendation lettersIt's that time of year for high school teachers - especially if you teach juniors.<br />
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Recommendation letters for college applications. It is a job which is a chore, yet is a privilege. Students seeks teachers who know them well (sometimes they don't want one who knows them TOO well) to write recommendation letters. They have to be honest. They cannot be form letters. There is one college where many of my students apply - a small college in Alabama. They actually compare the letters written by the same teacher to see if they are a form letter with the names changed. If that teacher writes a form letter, the recommendation is discarded. Yikes.<br />
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This wasn't a requirement when I was applying to college - I only applied to two. Sometimes, I wonder what my teachers would have said about me. "Sarah Ellen is very quiet, but studious." "Sarah Ellen doesn't reach her potential." I do not remember talking out of turn or intentionally trying to break the classroom rules (like some of my students do - I wrote two up yesterday for sneaking in snacks).<br />
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The truth is school was my refuge and happy place. I could dive into books and studies and I actually enjoy learning. If I wanted to socialize at recess and lunch, I could. But if I wanted to be alone in the library, I could do that as well.<br />
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I can tell it is going to be a busy season of letter writing - a month in and I've had four requests. I think of the four young ladies who have asked for my recommendations and I wonder what the future holds for them - I wonder how God intends to use their gifts. And I marvel that I have been allowed to be an influence - no matter how small - in their lives.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-29852321354117200802016-08-20T09:22:00.000-04:002016-08-20T09:22:35.993-04:00One monthHello dear readers (all both of you).<br />
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School started two weeks ago and I can tell you - I have the sweetest, most respectful students this year. I love teaching them and learning about them.<br />
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I ended my last post wondering if I could maintain my 10,000 steps a day after school started. The answer is - YES. There are two days a week I don't push to get there - Wednesday and Sunday. The reason doesn't matter why but it is a decision I'm comfortable with.<br />
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After being off gluten one month, I can decisively say it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. EVER. There is no doubt in my mind it was keeping me sicker. I have had a great reduction in my body wide inflammation. My mind is less foggy - even my thyroid medicine didn't completely fix that. Why? Gluten. I have lost 12 pounds. My current clothes are no longer tight on my body. My muscles are less tight and I have much more energy. My mood has stabilized. My husband wouldn't bring it up, but when I asked him, he confirmed my thoughts. Bless that man - he is my number one support and cheerleader.<br />
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Three weeks ago I had one of those life scan/heart health tests. I was very nervous about it because my blood pressure has been a little wacky lately - my doctor isn't worried, FWIW - but everything came back clear! There is moderate risk of heart disease due to my family history and my current body composition but I'm working on that and my risk is decreasing.<br />
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In addition to embracing the gluten free lifestyle (and it is a lifestyle - you can't do this half-heartedly) I also decided to eat a low-glycemic diet. This is not low-carbohydrate. It means I made better decisions on when or how to eat certain fruit and starches. Along the way I am more in touch with how my body responds to things I shouldn't have - last week I had just a few pieces of popcorn. It was prepackaged but apparently had some gluten in how it was processed. Saturday was a very painful and stiff day. It doesn't affect my stomach violently but my body just aches - a lot.<br />
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I'm finding I don't care that I can't eat the chicken biscuits sometimes provided at school or I have to refuse some of the tasty treats offered by parents. I do miss Fini's pizza and sushi. But I can tell you - they are NOT worth it. The last time we had communion at church, I took a big step and went to the gluten free station. I was doubting whether I would until the sermon, and even the sermon gave me the courage to do what was best for me. The Lord has been so good to me during this process.<br />
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I have been on weight loss journeys before. This is different. I made a decision to make permanent changes, not just adapt long enough to lose weight. It really wasn't about the weight in the beginning, but I'm so happy it has been a nice side-effect. How I'm eating now I can maintain easily.<br />
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This is just part of my journey - the part that affects my physical being. But you know, it is more than that. Much more. Tune in again sometime and see what happens.<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-62779727771979615082016-07-23T13:29:00.002-04:002016-07-23T13:33:29.916-04:00Four Women Who Inspire MeI have written several time about some of the women who inspire me. Two notable ones are my grandmothers - two of the most intelligent women I ever knew. Two of the best cooks and they could sew! They made my Easter dresses for many years. Several others were high school teachers who saw something in me and made school meaningful and fun. They encouraged my search for knowledge and my need for acceptance.<br />
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But today I have four women I want to mention specifically because we are all fighting a similar battle right now and they set the bar. Three of them share my last name and the fourth was my mother - also shared a last name.<br />
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I want to start with Nicole. She is my husband's great-nephew's wife. Don't try to think about the relationship except she is part of our family and I love her. That's what matters right here. Nicole has started on a monumental journey of becoming healthy. Seeing her joy in learning how to eat and move inspires me. Seeing her face her fears and just trusting the Lord when she feels weak inspires me. Thank you, Nicole, for setting an example for me and so many others.<br />
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The second is my husband's niece, Christie. She has also had a monumental journey of faith and seeking to be healthy. It is hard for her because she is chronically ill and sometimes her body just will not cooperate. But she gets up every day and moves her body, even when it hurts. In the last several years, she allowed Jesus to take over the darkness that was within her and has become one of the most mature, faithful Christian women I have had the pleasure to know. Christie is an example to me of a quiet, beautiful, inner strength that can only be fueled by a life surrounded by prayer and the Word of God.<br />
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The third is my daughter. Oops - we don't share a last name anymore. Well, it's Leah. Leah has gone through many changes this year: name, home, city, school, job ... Like me she struggles with hypothyroidism and has worked to find a doctor in her new city who will listen to her. She found one. From his recommendations, and knowing the truth in her heart, Leah has embarked on a gluten-free lifestyle to see if it will help her disease. It has. Obviously, I love this girl, too. I am proud of her and am her partner on this journey of becoming healthy and fit.<br />
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The last is my mother. I have written about her and her battles and our relationship enough, but I want to write about how she inspires me to be healthy. She died in 2004 from complications of her diabetes. But there was so much more. She gave up on treating her thyroid in the 1970's due to incorrect, conventional medicine. That is a challenge many of us face. She had been diagnosed and successfully treated in her teens and early adulthood. But that changed. Weight control, heart disease and her desire to fight this all went away. Not the heart disease. Her battle is why I fight. I want to be a grandmother someday who can play with those babies - and maybe even keep up. <br />
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Now, at nearly 50 years old, I am once again focusing on my healthy - physically and spiritually.<br />
When I saw what Nicole was doing, I knew I could do better than I had been.<br />
After walking and talking with Christie last weekend, I knew if she could get up on her pain days and move, I could do so much more than I had been<br />
After talking with my daughter and seeing her renewed energy and joy in her diet, I knew I could change mine to match hers.<br />
After seeing the struggles of my mother, I knew I had to break that cycle and set a better example for my daughter.<br />
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It is hard. Today after my 4 mile walk (indoors - I love AC), I realized I had strained my knee. Darn. It make me mad. I have wrapped it and taken some Advil and will mostly take it easy the rest of the day, but I refuse to give up. My body is a gift from God and I will not abuse it anymore by feeding it incorrectly and keeping it still. It has started to protest when I don't do what I should.<br />
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Today I was feeling especially grateful and I believe in encouragement. So Christie, Nicole, and Leah, I hope you know the impact you are making on the middle-aged women. You are loved SO very much.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-51366409243441950052016-07-07T12:04:00.001-04:002016-07-07T12:04:31.673-04:00My Summer ProjectIt's me.<br />
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I like to set a goal for the summer. Last year, it was my daughter's wedding. Sometimes, it is deeply cleaning my house. I tried that once and then got diverted by a family crisis... which then became my summer project. Sometimes I set a goal of how many non-educational, non-mathematical books I want to read.<br />
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I had not really set a goal this summer, so it kind of fell in my lap, smiled, and said, "Here I am. Take care of me and nurture me. I'll be here the rest of your life." Here is what happened.<br />
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A family member made a decision to take care of herself - the work is hard. She became very public about her personal war and she is now starting to win some battles. I'm proud of her. I remembered I had done something similar, then hit a bit bump in the road and didn't manage to stay on track. Having an autoimmune disease that affect metabolism is that bump and being under-medicated causes fatigue and weight gain no matter how much work you do.<br />
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Now, I eat well. Very well. But I haven't been very active. Even when I lost 50 pounds in 2008-2009, I mainly did it by diet and didn't do a lot of activity. So, I saw her becoming active and thought to myself, "I can do that", but didn't. But what I eat is on track - I did Weight Watchers before and it taught me what to do and what not to do.<br />
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In June we went to San Antonio. While my husband sat in conferences in air-conditioned comfort, my son and I went on walking tours. Ya'll - San Antonio in June is really, really hot. Like 90's with a heat index of over 100 hot. HOT. But we love history so off we went. Some time during that week, after going to Dallas and Texarkana, I knew I needed to get up and move. Oh... here's what happened before. I realized around late April/May that my feet and ankles hurt much more after long periods of sitting, so I started getting up more and stretching and walking. Helps so much.<br />
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Since about June 18 or 19 (I had to reset my tracker and lost some data) I have only missed one day of walking a minimum of 10,000 steps. I use Leslie Sansone's Walk At Home videos (I love AC, ok?) which doesn't just walk. Kicks, side steps, knee lifts and upper body movements, sometimes with light weights, use the whole body. I already put in 2 miles today and my quads are not happy... but I am because I can tell a difference in my clothes, a little bit on the scale, and a whole lot with my energy level. I feel great.<br />
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Here's my main motivation besides pleasing God by taking care of the body He gave me; family. My grandmother was diabetic. My mother was diabetic. Both had congestive heart failure. My mother had a hypothyroidism diagnosis and quit treatment in the 70's. Both were obese. My sister died at the age of 44 due to obesity - super morbidly obese. Her heart just stopped. She was probably also hypothyroid and was a compulsive over-eater. I loved these women but I refused to give up and say, "oh, it's genetic." Maybe that's true but I can DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. And I have for years. <br />
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My future family is what I look forward to. With both of my children being adults, I am looking forward to being a grandmother someday. I want to play with those children. I want to be around to see their weddings. I want to sing with them, horseplay, and cuddle them to sleep. My children didn't have that - for a variety of reasons.<br />
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Since I have started this phase of life, I have also read my Bible daily.<br />
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Here's where the real challenge will lie: when school starts back my leisurely days are over. It will be hectic at first and I'll get used to the pace. But, I have decided to start my work schedule July 18 after our vacation - at least by the clock. 5:30 alarms will resume and I'll be on my school schedule, trying to figure out how to make the 10,000 steps fit. I know I can do it. I've done it before. I've just decided to face it head-on and anticipate what's to come.<br />
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So, here it is. All laid out for you in the name of accountability and transparency. Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-35932704915948753782016-06-20T22:59:00.004-04:002016-06-20T22:59:54.228-04:00June 21June 21.<br />
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To some, it is usually the first day of summer. Communities in Alaska celebrate with a midnight baseball game, happy it is sunny at midnight. No kidding... we were in Fairbanks in 2007 and in July the airport clock read 80 degrees at 11:00 PM. The sun had also just started to set. Amazing.<br />
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In 2008, my daughter had major jaw reconstruction surgery due to a congenital defect. She's fine now in case you were wondering.<br />
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In 2014, we buried my almost 45 year old sister who died suddenly on June 9th. It was a difficult day, and it still is.<br />
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But, in 1986, a very young couple (ages 22 and 18) made a commitment in front of God and their families and friends to begin a family of their own. It has been hard. It has been wonderful. We have had more fun than we deserved learning how to be grown ups (although my sister in law says we were both born grown up), how to make a living, how to be parents, and now how to be alone again as empty-nesters. The college student is home now, so the nest is only half-empty. But we are dreaming about when and where to retire and how to make retirement meaningful for us. We have no idea when that will happen, so no details ... yet.<br />
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After 3 decades, we have grown closer to the Lord and He has been our sustenance and provider. I can honestly say I do not believe any other woman has been more blessed than I have. <br />
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So Happy Anniversary to a man who has always been a gift to me, snoring and all. Let's go for 30 more years. We got married early enough to make that a reality, after all.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-73452843396044428222016-04-25T21:01:00.000-04:002016-04-25T21:01:49.639-04:00Tales from the Classroom - SenioritsMost years, I teach a class of high school seniors. Some times not, depending on enrollment and such.<br />
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Every year, at varying times, we have to deal with the annual outbreak of "senioritis." "Itis" - inflammation. So "senioritis" = inflammation of the senior. I get to play tough teacher, reality breaker, and at times mom.<br />
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They always ask, "Why are we stiiiiilllllllllllll heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeee?", thinking that close enough is good enough to be graduated and gone. Well I'm teaching a dual enrollment class, so they have to stick with me until their final exam.<br />
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Some day they will learn the realities of having a job: you do it until it is over on the last day. There is no just showing up.There is responsibility and accountability and tasks that must be completed. But for these high school seniors, finishing the job will mean saying goodbye to their friends, teachers, and school. Some have never attended a different school - so this will be leaving home.<br />
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Some students I know I will never see again. Some I really hope to see again. I hope they take the lessons shared with them in their hearts and move out into that big world. Some will bloom where they are planted while some will still be looking for that fertile land in which to be planted. I know they are ready for change and the excitement their next steps will bring them, but I hope they aren't finished learning.<br />
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I hope to never be finished learning.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-33117798950244054192016-02-26T18:46:00.001-05:002016-02-26T18:46:16.437-05:00Tales from the Classroom - episode 2This is a more current story.<br />
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I've got a student who has a little math anxiety. Actually I have several students with a little math anxiety. Sometimes they express it as hate... sometimes they decide in advance to accept defeat and just don't try. Their problem is their teacher (me) has high expectations of all her students and I do not accept the lack of trying. <br />
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I believe all students, at some level, can succeed at something that is hard. We all can't be good at the same thing - how boring would our world be? I feel part of my job is to hold their hands a little bit and, at the right time, let go and let them fly solo. The first time they do something independently is something wonderful to witness.<br />
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So one student with this anxiety has decided to trust me with her feelings. She knows I don't judge if she tries hard. And she does try very hard and mostly, pretty successfully.<br />
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The thing that frustrates me are the students who do not take advantage of offered help in a timely manner, preferring to wait until right before the test. Many times they will stare blankly and doodle on their notesheets, not filling them out, and then consequently not understanding the content. Then they are the students who complain about homework when half of it could have been completed before they left school.<br />
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I am fortunate. I love my students. I love my job. I feel so blessed to work in a place that puts faith in Jesus above all else, where I can openly share my faith with my students. So, when I have to be tough with them, and I am, they know it is in love and with the hope they will choose to learn something that may challenge.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-34888593283755857392016-02-07T19:42:00.001-05:002016-02-07T19:42:41.181-05:00Tales from the ClassroomToday I was inspired to write a series for this blog - Tales from the Classroom.<br />
I teach in a Christian school, but I teach teenagers so it doesn't really matter the setting, except I am allowed to read Scriptures and pray with my students. I get to blatantly, lavishly show the love of Christ to these students. It is a privilege, truly, to share their joys and tragedies, anger and joy, even the pranks and silliness. July will begin my 10th year back in a classroom.<br />
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Here's my first story. My first year I only taught seniors. They were a rough class as a group, kind of like walking on broken glass. But there were some that took my heart, made me cringe, and made me laugh out loud on a regular basis.<br />
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I saw some students who dealt with clinical depression and they would break down in the classroom. It doesn't matter what it was. A test. A bad morning at home. It was raining. And truly it didn't matter - except that they let me help them. Sometimes I just sent them to the office to call home. Sometimes I went with them into the hallway and let them cry on me. Always it broke my heart and sometimes I still wonder about those kids. It just proved to me all the more that we do not know the baggage a student walks in with, but my prayer is that they are able to leave that baggage at the door and enjoy high school. Then there are those for whom high school is their baggage and being in school is truly miserable. I think I hurt for those the most.<br />
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Several of the high school couples married each other. I'm a sucker for a high school romance since I had one.<br />
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The students I tell you about do have names. I know them but you won't. But if you recognize yourself here, former student, know that it is with love and respect for the adult you have become.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-43796547679923038642016-01-11T21:33:00.000-05:002016-01-11T21:33:29.560-05:00In the thick of itThe school year has re-started. A new semester with new beginning and even two new students. They are both Chinese and a little bit lost, I think, but excited to be here and smile with and at me.<br />
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I'm teaching Statistics for the first time - the prep is more intense than with Algebra, mainly because I've never taught it, but I love the subject. The thick part is I didn't get my textbooks until the day before class started - not my school's fault - or my teacher's text until several days later, so I am one day ahead of my students and now trying for two days ahead. I'm really in the thick of it.<br />
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I'm doing 9 or 10 hours at school, coming home and working another hour - sometimes two. Sometimes I'm cooking dinner but sometimes I'm too tired or have too much to do and we decide to eat out. I'm in the thick of it.<br />
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But there is balance. I'm making time for myself every day. Sometimes it's Facebook, sometimes it's genealogy, sometimes it's cooking. Today I cooked something new and my dear son stated, "You can make this again." Bacon cheeseburger soup - nothing wrong with that. Now that is thick.<br />
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So what is all this thickness? It's meaning. Love. Purpose. Caring. Being busy with things I LOVE. Yeah - right now there's a mixture of tired and exhausted - joy and happiness - burdened and lightness. So much wonderful and so much so much. So much to be thankful for. So blessed.<br />
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It's thick, I tell ya.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-11959881768753690832015-12-16T22:57:00.001-05:002015-12-16T22:57:37.160-05:00It feels like quicksandThis week. The more I fight it the harder it is to survive. It is final exam week and the students are stressed. The teachers are stressed. Most will pass but a few will fail.<br />
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This season also feels like quicksand. Before I knew it, I stepped into it and got stuck. But it's okay because I'd like to be stuck in a season where my Lord's name is associated with a major holiday, even if it is not politically correct to say it or truly celebrate the season the way it should be. If you don't know me, or don't know me well, I am not politically correct. Sometimes I say exactly what I am thinking without the filter I remind my students they need to engage. Don't tell them, but sometimes it is <i>okay to speak without a filter!</i><br />
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To be honest, I'm having trouble getting into the decoration this year. Now that my son is home from college, maybe I'll feel like making it more festive. The boxes are out - and still neatly packed. The tree is up with lights but no decorations - and really, truly, I just like it plain with lights. It is simple and uncluttered and soothing.<br />
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So I shall contemplate and not fight it. Because fighting it makes it harder - like quicksand.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-35532188101693539842015-10-16T19:20:00.001-04:002015-10-16T19:20:38.472-04:00Another cornerThe last several months have been a whirlwind. Lots of twists and turns. Like a roller coaster, twists and turns in life can be fun and exciting and others make you appreciate life.<br />
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Back in April a cousin reconnected with me. I was grateful. I had previously found his email address and tried to make a connection several years ago and then - nothing. Email address was gone and I didn't know where to find him. So April comes and I get a facebook request - but he had already friended me a long time ago - I didn't believe it was him.<br />
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But it was. And then we began a journey of reconnecting and loving and remembering. He is my next oldest cousin - only 6 years my senior and we shared some great memories and he was in my wedding. I hadn't seen him since 1989 when our grandmother died. She was the glue of our family and when she died we all unglued from each other. It was painful and sad to not see my cousins. So being in contact with him was wonderful, but time was of the essence because he was in hospice care with a lung disease. And this is the next turn.<br />
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My sweet cousin died last weekend and I had to say another good-bye. At his service, I learned about the joyful life he lived and saw the grief and tears of his friends and caregivers. He was loved. I saw the gray on his head. I comforted his sister and received comfort from his brother. I was with family and my heart was jointly full and constantly emptying - if that makes any sense. I learned of his love for Jesus and his church. I learned he learned to love vegetables.<br />
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Another cousin, his brother, reminded me so much of my sister that I felt a sense of longing and regret simultaneously. I heard him sing and thought of my mother. I saw my cousins' children who looked so much like their beautiful grandmother I had twinges of deep sadness. Okay. More than twinges - deep deep painful cuts because she is the relative I miss the most.<br />
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I have decided to not let this happen again. I will not be separated from my family - even if I have to be the one to make sure we stay together. We need each other. We need to share laughter, tears, and memories. We need to make more memories and get together at times other than a funeral.<br />
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<br />Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-54031157718260972382015-08-30T18:42:00.001-04:002015-08-30T18:42:52.182-04:00The title of this blogTurning points.<br />
I chose it very intentionally, thinking that someday I may change it into something more relevant to my future life.<br />
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Well, I'm at my future life and I plan to keep the blog named as it is. Why?<br />
I have recently entered a new phase of life - I've turned another corner. But I think this "corner" has been more of a gentle curve. It has taken two lifetimes, lived together. Those lifetime are my children.<br />
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Our daughter is now married and will begin a stage of life that will encompass many changes, many more than she can possible fathom. But, she is now grown and on her own with her husband. "Off the payroll" as we joke around here.<br />
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Our son has begun his college career and will hopefully see God's plan for him by the time graduation happens in a little under four years (we hope). He also is in the midst of great change and discovery and it is all very exciting.<br />
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So, it is me and Greg and the dog - again - 23 years later. And lest you think it is the same dog, it isn't. This is dog #3. Like the first dog, she is blonde and quite neurotic. Not a lot of change there.<br />
Could we pick up where we left off? Are we missing our children? Isn't the house quieter? Yes, yes, and yes. But we are doing great. Why? We know we raised our kids to be God-honoring. We know they seek Him and are children after His own heart. We are proud of them, love them, and wish them well. Our son isn't "off the payroll" but he is a great distance away.<br />
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People are frequently trying to attribute feelings of grief to us over them being so far way. We are not grieving - we are celebrating! We have done the job God gave us and now we move on. We turn the corner and look with great anticipation for more exciting corners to turn. <br />
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Turning points. You bet it still applies.Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162804111999135588.post-57017991005766816932015-08-01T16:54:00.000-04:002015-08-01T16:54:24.289-04:00One more week!Then I'll be a mother-in-law. What? I'm way too young and cool to be a mother-in-law.<br />
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So while it isn't legal YET, Phill has moved into our house and our hearts, and has confessed his absolute love of smoothies (and my daughter - and not in that order). <br />
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I'm doing a cleanse of sort, using green smoothies as my primary diet. I am eating real food, especially at dinner and snacks, but veggie and fruit-filled smoothies are my mainstay at the moment. I almost feel energetic. <br />
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This week a lot is happening: going back to work on Wednesday and then the family starts arriving on Thursday and there's this event on Saturday. Oh yeah. My daughter's (and Phill's) wedding!<br />
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And yes, you can bet there will be pictures to follow!Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13293831414380058340noreply@blogger.com0