It has been almost 6 months since my sister's death, and the discovery of her real life and things I can't really verbalize.
A few weeks ago I started writing them. It is chronological, describing what I was doing, what smells there were, and yes, the feelings. The accounting is detailed and graphic. But it is something I need to do for my own sanity. I have to let it out and share it somewhere, so it is in a Word document. I don't know if I will ever let anyone read it. But it contains the facts of the situation.
When I read it back to myself, I cringe to myself because of the rawness of it all, and double check to make sure I haven't left anything out. The read is rather clinical.
I think this is the way I am processing this grief. It will be fine, but I don't think it will ever be over.