Friday, June 20, 2014

Getting to Know my Sister (Differently)

It's been eight days since I found out my only sibling had died.

It has been a whirlwind of clean up and meetings and parent and pet management.  Travel.  Lots of travel between my home and hers.  After a few days, I was able to sleep again at night.  Eating isn't a problem - so don't worry about that.  I'm a stress eater :)  On the plus side, I lost 5 lbs this week.

Planning a service. Trying to decide what needs to be handled when.
As a very task-oriented person, that part of it isn't too overwhelming.  It's just the quantity of what needed to be done.

The stressful part of this:  meeting new people.  As an introvert, that is particularly difficult for me.  As the sister of someone who had a bubbly, vibrant personality, it was more difficult.  My sister and I are very different in how we interact with people.  On my drive to her town, I started getting cryptic messages from her friends via facebook.  My stress level rose.  Not only had I just lost my only sister, I was worried about how her friends perceived me.

I prayed a lot.  I need to be salt and light.  I need to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  But what I needed was to receive salt, light, and the hands and feet of Jesus.  I lost my mother 10 years ago.  She had been very sick, so I was able to prepare (as much as you can) and was not surprised at her death.  The death of my 44 year old sister was a shock.

But what I found were people who accepted me because I was the sister of someone they loved very much.  Some of them have actually talked with me and could accept what I needed to say. They loved her so much they filled the funeral home chapel.  So I'm going out on a limb, and it feels pretty shaky, and going out with her friends.

I want to know the Natalie they knew.

2 comments:

Mezzo Forte said...

I think you will find that the limb isn't quite as shaky once you're out there. Being with the people who knew her as an adult, the person she was every day, will be so wonderful for you and I think will bring you comfort. I'm thinking of you constantly...understanding your grief and praying (as best I can) that you find peace. Love you, gal!

msdeal24 said...

Heartfelt and real...So sorry for your loss!