Today while visiting with Daddy at the nursing home, he told us he was ready to die. "Why won't these people let me die? Why can't I see a doctor? I'm ready to go."
He has seen a doctor - I've talked with him. We are adjusting medications and helping him be comfortable.
We talked about a lot of life is waiting on God and we just can't push that. He's ready to see Jesus, my grandparents, my aunt and my mother. He's not really sure when he is smiling or not, so if he catches us smiling at him, he will smile big and sometimes asks, "is my smile okay?"
He is done with this life on earth and he's tired. "But my heart just won't stop." Greg and I observed some changes today that confirmed that it won't be too much longer but you can't put a timeline on living or death. That's between Daddy and God. I'm confident in the next few days or weeks they'll figure it out.
He is actually pretty peaceful but was annoyed they were crushing his medicine and putting it in applesauce. On hospice, if you don't want to eat, you shouldn't have to eat - even for medicine. So I texted my contacts and they are going to begin looking at alternative methods for keeping him comfortable - without needles. We talked to the nurse about food - we know they have to offer it, but he doesn't have to eat it and we asked them to quit pushing it. "But even on hospice they need to eat." Actually - no, they don't, not if they don't want it. It is making him sick and he told me today he is having trouble swallowing it.
The care he is getting is pretty good - he says they are good people and take good care of him. I think his nurse just doesn't understand the hospice process so we will have a care meeting soon and make sure we all understand the goal here is comfort.
So - we wait on God and Daddy's body to be in agreement. We are all ready for him to be whole again.