Post-Christmas reflection

It's December 26th.  We're all still here (as in the Mayan apocalypse didn't happen).

It's been just the four of us this Christmas at our house - and we like it.  It is quiet and we are on our own schedules.  Mainly we like that we are not travelling so there will be a small group coming to see us on Friday.  It's not that we don't like visiting with family, but lately we have been the ones making the rounds so this year we decided not to do that.

This has been a strange Christmas for me.  I didn't do any last minute shopping - it was all bought and wrapped early enough that I didn't feel stressed. But... this has been a season of spiritual dryness for me.  I'm not sure how long I've been in this season but it has been a while.  "Joy to the World" we sing, and I feel joy because the Lord has come, not because I feel joyful.  Now let's not confuse joy with happiness.  I am happy.  My children are healthy, my marriage is wonderful, I have a great job - I am happy.

My desert times are always times of teaching to me. The Lord is trying to get my attention and I am looking and listening but not hearing - yet.  In His time, I will learn what the lesson is.  So in the desert, the joy is sparse, much like water.  The joy is my oasis.  So in these day at home, with our visitors, I will go to the oasis of joy and quench my thirst.  I will remember when joy was plentiful and overflowing and know that I can have it once again.

So, you may ask... why?  Why are you dried out?  That, dear reader, is complicated, and not what I think I want to delve into today.  During a previous time of a desert wandering, I had a verse that was the first thing I saw when I turned on my phone, from the book of Nehemiah:  "The joy of the Lord is your strength."

For today, that is enough.  Merry Christmas!

The more things change...

the more they stay the same.

People say that all the time... but change doesn't make things stay the same.  A true oxymoron.

Okay.  Change is coming and it is good.  My daughter is getting ready for college - I think I'm ready for her to go.  No, that's not right.  I am ready to let her go, but not really ready for her to go.  It's a turning point in both of our lives.

Thinking back on turning points since I began this blog... it really has been all about change.  I used to call change the "C" word, as if it were something bad.  I was reminded today that all things CAN work together for good, as long as it is in the will of God.  As I ponder the truly big changes in my life, some have been so hard, so painful that I would never want to repeat them, but I appreciate the lessons I learned that caused a change in my heart.  Then other changes are so wonderful I wonder how I deserved them.

Yes, change is coming.  My home will change forever - and it will be good.  I think it will be very good.

Inspiration

I've spent my day off being utterly lazy but reading the blogs of people on the same journey I am on - namely weight loss.

Some of them are pretty depressing, actually. But our stories aren't so different. Some of us have a genetic predisposition for gaining weight, having inherited sorry metabolisms from our grandmothers and mothers - hello, diabetes? You are NOT invited to my house. Thanks, and buh-bye.

But also connected to our stories is how we have perpetuated our own demise, weight-wise, by continuing the bad habits taught to us by our fore-mothers. Interesting that fathers never come up in these stories? The only food I ever connect with my Daddy was his overly burnt barbeque chicken he always made. I thought it was mighty tasty but definitely not the comfort food my maternal grandmother (a diabetic) made. Oh how I miss her chicken and dumplings. And her, too. I miss her. But I digress.

There is also a turning point (hence the name of this blog) where we truly see ourselves in our completely unhealthy lives and know something has to give. I have been praying to lose weight for years. Then I got sick - with a metabolic chronic illness and gained even more weight. 35 pounds over the course of almost 4 years. You know what? At least 20 of those I put on myself through my own stupidity. Then my prayers changed - "heal me" what ever form that is and a transformation began.

First it began in my heart. I developed compassion for those with chronic illness, including my diabetic mother. To understand her, I needed to walk her path (or at least part of it).

I learned what real, unabating pain was like. It goes beneath the physical into your emotions, into your soul.

Then I began completely trusting God for my healing. Yes, I still take my medication and see the chiropractor for my pain, because He provided those for me so I can live a complete and whole life. BAM! Blessings began to pour out on my head. And I continued to gain weight.

When I became obvious that this was the last part of my healing - I prayed once again. Show me the way and I can't do this by myself. On that day, after much overindulgence, I marched myself to this laptop and signed up for Weight Watchers online. No meetings! I can do it in the comfort of my own home and on my own scale. So for 5 1/2 months I have been following this lifestyle.

Lifestyle, you say? Yes. This is not a diet. This is a live-it. I will need to live like this the rest of my life. And I am so happy to do it. I had to accept that when I get to my goal I will need to modify this live-it to maintain my weight, but I can never go back to the way I was. Why not? Because it was killing me. God made me for a higher purpose than that. My husband deserves it. My kids deserve it. And I deserve it.

My daily prayer? "Lord Jesus I need you today to help me make the right choices." It goes beyond food. But food is part of it. With His help, I will make it and I will honor Him while I do it.

A Sabbath Reflection

Today was a day of reflection and remembrance as we said goodbye to an in the flesh saint. He will be so missed, but he lived each day as if Jesus was coming back that day and he wanted to be ready. I am happy he has received his reward.

Also recently some things have happened - big and small:
*I finished grading some papers
*DH and I started Disciple IV
*I have changed my way of eating permanently and honestly do not miss the old way
*My hair is growing - big wow for me :)
*I am really truly happy with my life
*I am really truly going to bed before 10 PM tonight

I am excited about what this week brings. It should be an adventure.